A classified-style briefing about Jupiter’s general hostility toward being visited. Includes bullet points about its charming tendency to lack a surface, shred your ship into plasma, and contain a storm so petty it’s been spinning since before your grandma was born.
Highlights include:
- Jupiter’s psychological basement, where your atoms get scattered
- A storm that outlives monarchies
- A magnetic field described as “absurd, violent, and petty”
- And 95 moons that form the worst group chat in the galaxy
Important Note:
You do not land on Jupiter.
You descend until you stop being relevant.
I wrote it down so I could leave it behind
-Elsie Thorne
Little Ghost Post 